I was saved the evening of November 22, 1958 at a Youth For Christ rally in Detroit, Michigan. After praying and asking God to save me, I talked with one of the head counselors. He asked me how I knew I was saved. I told him it was because God entered my heart, and I felt so good. He warned me to trust in Christ because my feelings would change. He was so right.
During the next few months, I discovered that I still had a sinful nature. What was I to do? Why couldn’t I quit sinning? Every six months our church had revival meetings. People were encouraged to either trust Christ as Savior or, if already saved but not living the Christian life, to come forward to rededicate their life to Christ. And I went forward each time to rededicate my life.
Unfortunately, going forward was not the answer. My old nature seemed to dominate my life. What was I doing wrong? After a few revivals, my father told me that if I kept going forward, people would begin to doubt my sincerity. So, I stopped going forward and started pretending everything was okay.
I don’t remember the year, but I started going to prayer meeting on Wednesday evening. We didn’t have a large group there, but for the first 20 or 30 minutes, we would split into groups for prayer. I joined with a group of 5 or 6 men; we sat around a table, discussed a few prayer requests, and then each of us prayed for those requests and anything we could think of.
The men wanted me to feel comfortable so they let me be last that first night. I don’t remember what I prayed for, but I know it wasn’t a long prayer. The only problem I had was I couldn’t share my failures as a Christian; I kept those hidden. I didn’t know how to handle the issue.
Years later I attended a Christian University – still no help. There was a list of rules on the back of each dorm room door, but these were the university’s rules, not God’s. I also attended a Bible Institute for three semesters. There I learned to listen to the voice of God because of the great teaching I received. I learned a lot about the grace of God in more explicit terms; yet even this did not help as I gave way to sin.
After I married and we returned to Detroit, I was teaching a Sunday School class of adults, and the lesson on a particular Sunday was about Paul’s struggles with sin he wrote about in Romans 7:14-25. After the class dismissed, one of the men in the class asked me for a solution. I responded that I didn’t know of one, and he pointed me to Romans 8:1-4. That helped some, but it still didn’t relieve the guilt.
Some years later, I heard Dr. Billy Graham say that he could not live the Christian life. He said he had to let Christ live that life in him. I understood that, but there was still no answer to my guilt.
But what was I to do? I finally took the attitude that I was the way God made me, and God understands how I am. I have confessed my sins; I have asked God to remove certain desires from me; I didn’t want those thoughts to become actions I would also regret. What more could I do? Peter said we are a kingdom of priests to our God; shouldn’t priests be holy?
I tell you my story because I think many Christians face the same problem. Many Christians leave the church because they are discouraged and find no help there. A few may even take on a “holier than thou” attitude to try to defeat those feelings. If you are having problems, continue reading to see the answer I found.
Then in my mid-to-late 60’s, I read through the book of Zechariah. In Chapter 3, it reads, “Then the angel showed me Jeshua the high priest standing before the Angel of the Lord. The Accuser, Satan, was there at the Angel’s right hand, making accusations against Jeshua. And the Lord said to Satan, ‘I, the Lord, reject your accusations Satan. Yes, the Lord, Who has chosen Jerusalem, rebukes you. This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire’. Jeshua’s clothing was filthy as he stood before the Angel. So the Angel said to the others standing there, ‘Take off his filthy clothes.’ And turning to Jeshua He said, ‘See, I have taken away your sins, and now I am giving you these fine new clothes’.”
This passage was what I needed; God opened my eyes to the truth. I knew my sins were forgiven, that God had declared me clean by placing the righteousness of Christ on me. But I finally realized it was Satan who kept whispering accusations in my ear. So after finding this, when I would hear the accusations, I would ask the Lord Jesus to rebuke Satan. Gradually I received relief from this problem of guilt because God was in control!
I hope you find comfort and encouragement in my story. I don’t tell it to get you to think more of me; I have been an absolute failure in living the Christian life. I tell it because many Christians have and are experiencing the same inner voice I heard and was defeated by. Praise the Lord for His unfailing love!!!